A few weeks ago I had a friend from high school who was allegedly murdered in what the media is presenting as an incident of domestic violence fuelled by the drug ice. At around the same time Andrew Chan and Myuran Sukumaran were executed for drug related offence in Indonesia as part of the Bali nine. All the media both social and conventional was saturated with calls for mercy which seemed blown out of perspective to me. I can count the articles relating to the death of my friend while, comparatively those about the Bali nine execution outnumber the stars in the sky.

I remember when I made the connection between the story with a nameless 18 year old murder victim and that cheeky girl from way out west who I spent classes in year 7 with. While I hadn’t seen her for years there is just something about having someone you previously played soccer with and joked around in agriculture with being murdered that is incomprehensible. As an 18 year old myself I haven’t experienced this sort of loss before and it’s hard to tell whether it is the horrific manner she died or just that she is dead. The few people I have spoken to assure me by saying, yes death is sad but you need to move on, there is nothing you can do for her. Although, what if some small statement from a 12 year old me could change one little thing in someone else’s life. I know it sounds overly optimistic but I think that the people we meet can impact us no matter how small their presence.

It may just be the notion that taking drugs can be prevented and that those in abusive relationships can be helped and that such an atrocity should have never happened, all coming together in the mind of an individual who doesn’t fully know what to do with this information. However, I have never been so sure that change needs to happen. I have always been motivated and active in trying to create change but nothing has ever made me feel so passionately about an issue. While yes there is nothing I can do for my friend that doesn’t mean there is nothing I should do.

It is also good to remember you never know where people are coming from, as a child it may be harder to comprehend any situation other than your own. This may apply to adults as well, having only been an adult for 7 and ½ months I can’t say for certain.

There is one memory that is so salient of this girl that has been on constant replay in my mind. That is sitting in room 19 second row from the back, she was in front of me. Being in year 7 colouring in title pages for each new topic was still a legitimate form of work. I had a particularly large set of coloured pencils, which she knew from other classes, so she turned around and helped herself to my pencils and then once we were bored with our title pages, which for some reason we needed an hour to complete, she started writing on my pencil case, “I heart Lolita*” and I remember so clearly having my mum tell me never to let this girl anywhere neat my stuff as she was, “not good news”. I was just happy to have a friend and didn’t mind the slight graffiti, all it signified was a badge of inclusion. That automatic judgement from my mother on this girl makes me think now we should not assume anything about a person without knowing where they are coming from or what they are exposed to. At the end of the day does a bit of pen on fabric matter in any way compared to trying to categorise kids at a young age into ‘good’, ‘bad’, ‘has potential’ or ‘no hope’.

It is truly depressing the acts that occurred for me to realise this.

There are some things that just need to be said and while writing them at 11 o’clock at night under a eucalypt isn’t conventional in any means, it is still a way. And at the end of the day there are some forms of experiences that can’t replace reactions in the moment.

Written by a young woman from NSW

If this brings up any issues contact Kids Helpline on 1800 55 1800

Or the Domestic Violence Helpline on 1800 656 463

* names have been changed out of respect